Seasons: An Anxiety Update

Hi lovelies!

Wanna know something wild? It’s been 6 months to the day since I somehow got lice….6 whole months since I went into a frenzy of anxiety and hypochondria. If you’re sitting there like WHAAAA? WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?? And you missed that whole thing…you can check out the post here…needless to say, it wasn’t pretty.

So, you may now be asking yourself, “Huh, so after 6 months, Bri, how are you doing?”

And that’s exactly where I’d like to begin our little chat today.

To be honest, I’m actually doing much better than the day I wrote that post. I’m thankfully not quite as caught up in all of the mess that anxiety makes of your head…nor do I still have actual bugs living on my head (so that has helped). I definitely am not all better, but I don’t feel quite as stuck.

And that’s why I wanted to share this post with you today because I think it’s important that we remind ourselves often that seasons of life are just that–seasons. Sometimes those seasons are full of hurt and pain, and some are seasons chalk full of goodness. Everything good and bad comes in waves and it’s important that we take all we can from those seasons, regardless of their inherent nature, because we can learn SO MUCH from all of them, if we’re brave enough to lean fully into them and experience all they have for us because they are only around for a short time.

Seasons of goodness are easy to press into because they’re exactly that–easy! They feel good–and you feel good. Everything is happy and sunshine-y…and even if there are bad things found in it, the goodness is WAY too good and easily outweighs the minute episodes of hurt. We love living in these seasons because we are eager to learn and grow because it feels safe. We are happy to expand ourselves when we feel safe and dare I say, comfortable.

On the contrary, it’s especially difficult in hard seasons (seasons of physical pain, uncertainty, or ones feeling void of God) to really even want to try and experience anything that season has to offer because it feels like with every good thing, there is an equal, if not more powerful, adverse reaction, that ensures it makes itself known. Why would you want to press into your own hurt or shame when it’s just met with more hurt the further down you dig?

There is no safety in that place, no comfort.

Nevertheless I think it’s important that we keep digging because I have found that there is very little growth that ever comes to fruition when we’re living life just under the top soil–those places that are most comfortable for us.

That’s a hard pill to swallow, isn’t it? I love being comfortable and feeling safely “in control.”

But that isn’t where the magic happens.

The magic happens when we realize that we need to dig a little deeper and unearth our hurt and our pain to inherently find joy. The magic happens when we learn that there is SO much to gain from those seasons of pain, even though we feel uncertain throughout it all. If we are willing to trust through these seasons of uncertainty–trust God and trust our own abilities, then we’ll grow exponentially in ways we can probably only dream of.

I have learned a lot about myself in the last few months dealing with health anxiety and although much of it hasn’t been particularly comfy…I now know the value of pressing in when you feel like running away from everything, the value of feeling and experiencing things fully, and the value of not being afraid to admit to yourself that you aren’t okay (but not living in that head-space–instead, acknowledging it but not accepting it) and instead trusting that you will, someday, be okay.

For me, that looks like instead of distracting myself when things get tough, I allow myself to live in that place of hurt, freely. It’s painful, I won’t lie. And with every move it feels like more of you is being torn away, way more than you’re willing to give…but you soon learn that those are the pieces of you that needed to be uprooted for your full potential for growth to be met.

There is beauty in the breakdown.

And so today, I am praying for you, and for me, that we would have the courage to lean into the hard things, the seasons of hurt, along with the seasons of bounty because each can offer us a tremendous look into ourselves and into the heart of God…and if I have to wade through the waters of anxiety and feeling uncomfortable to realize that sweet truth, then I’m sure as heck grabbing the hand of Jesus and walking through that with Him, heart-first.

And I hope that you will, too.

XOXO

-Bri